woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
