Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
