i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
