from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
