roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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