so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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