i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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