wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
