I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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