i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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