what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize