You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
