You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
