I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
