she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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