Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
