I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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