it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
