His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
