So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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