There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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