Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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