Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize