she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
