Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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