hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
