u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
