Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
