Me. At least after what I've been through.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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