There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
