my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
