Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
