He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I look better un-naked...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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