Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
