If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
