So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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