Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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