not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
