Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
