i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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