I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
