She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
