I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
