so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
