how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
