did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
