We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize