Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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