There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
