We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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