I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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