Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize