ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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