love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
