It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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