in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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