Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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