are you so shy because you have an std?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
