every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she looked like the before picture.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
