A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
