In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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