dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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