bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
