do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize